A-Hole Heroes
Nothing quite clips the nuts off a good novel as quickly as having a Main Character whos a piece of shit. I feel like we’ve all had the misfortune of reading a book that was on the verge of greatness only to look at the champion we were supposed to be rooting for and think “geez, do I really have to deal with this fuckwad?”
Sucks, don’t it?
The sad fact is if a hero isn’t engaging then readers won’t give a spring butterfly’s kiss as to whether they triumph or have their flesh flayed from their bones while they’re still alive.
We’ve all read ‘em. We all hated ‘em. And regardless of whether you’re reading or making your own book, here are my Top Four hero tropes for you to avoid.
4. The Fumbling Savior
This character can’t do anything right. Couldn’t put their pants on the right way to save their life. They count tripping on a flat surface less than three times in as many minutes as a blessing from the lord, and yet somehow they’ll end up defusing a giga-hyrdogen bomb and saving the kingdom of Artulax or some shit.
While parodies of this trope are, indeed, hilarious, people who try to take it seriously?
Damn, man. Why would you do that to yourself?
How are we supposed to take your gritty suspense thriller seriously when your “star actor” keeps bumbling their way through the story? They don’t make any revelations, they don’t make any judgements, they just kind of trot alongside the winds of fate, being blown where they will.
This is the literary equivalent of someone stumbling through an episode of Dora the Explorer, crossing into an episode of Tom and Jerry, and finally tripping as they came into the last 2 minutes of an episode of Scooby Doo, accidentally pulling the monster’s mask off as they fall, and when the gang cries “it was Old Man Jenkins all along!” having your bumbling moron of a protagonist look up and say “who?” And expecting me to stand up and cheer as if they’d single handedly unraveled the mysteries of the universe.
Not happening, bruh.
Too often this hero is purely passive in nature, not so much experiencing the narrative as being dragged through it by their nose. This leads to side characters becoming more engaging then your main character and that’ll have readers wondering why they aren’t the main character instead.
Do yourself a favor and ditch the dumb act and get yourself a hero that can tie their own shoe laces.
It’s a tough gig but somebodys gotta do it
3. The Whiner
Doom be upon ye that cherish this trope.
Seriously.
Listen, your protagonist can get frustrated. They can curse their fate or bemoan the obstacles in front of them. That is fine. We’ve all been there.
But, so help me, if I see another one of ya’all make one more prince complain about being pampered, or a wizard pouting about how dull it is to learn the arcane I will have a conniption fit. “Oh its so hard for me!” “Oh, I hate having my every whim instantly catered to!” Right. Whens this asshole going to get the shit beat out of them? What? I’m supposed to be rooting for them? …You’re no fun.
Now, having a whiny protagonist mature out of their whininess is a great way to show character development (normally with some embarrassed self reflection from the MC later on). Unfortunately, some authors refuse to let their sweet baby grow up- and that usually leads to an annoying MC who everyone kinda sorta lowkey wishes would get killed off.
Thank ab out it: if every scene in Game of thrones where we saw Robb Stark involved him rolling his eyes and complaining in a nasally voice about how his wine was too dry or that his gauntlets were chafing or that he just didn’t want to do this anymore and wishes everyone would just leave him alone, geez! Then the Red Wedding, instead of being one of the most traumatic moments of the series, would’ve have been a relief welcomed by all.
Allow your characters to mature or be prepared for people to cheer along with the Freys.
RIP my dude. At least you didn’t have to see season 8
2. The Edgelord
This character doesn’t need friends. Friends are for the weak!
They’re hard. They’ve seen some shit, man, because we live in a society and this charcacter…honestly just fuck this character.
The “bad ass/lone wolf” trope has been done to death and yet, somehow, also refuses to die.
I feel like authors fall into this trope when they don’t want to spend time on character development and instead want readers to inherently know their protagonist is tough at a glance. Trouble is, all too often characters with this “hardass” complex give off an extreme “try hard’ vibe instead.
Yes, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but instead of your protagonist appearing “cool” with their leather jacket/chain belt combo, mirrored shades, and shitty attitude the reader is just gonna be wondering why they’re supposed to be rooting for someone who appears to be hanging around the narrative like a particularly virulent piece of navel lint.
Actions speak louder than words, however, and too often this character ends up talking big on the front end only to get their ass kicked by the antagonist to show how “tough” they are as a foil. Without us having anything but the “cool guy” totems to tell us how “cool” they are we’re left with what is commonly referred to as a “glass jawed mother fucker.”
Look, all I’m saying is that if the MC is supposed to be a fighter show them defending themselves capably in an earlier scene or show them boxing at the gym or training or something! Telling the reader your MC is, like, totally the coolest and, like, super strong only to have them get clapped by a random drunk at a bar is anticlimactic at best and confusing at worst.
No MC will ever be as badass as this twist
1. The Chosen One
You had to know this was coming, right? This trope has been driven into the dirt so hard its bored through the center of the earth and come out the other side still going strong.
This character doesn’t have to work. They don’t have to suffer, or train, or even self-doubt.
Why? Because some prophecy declared they be the victor regardless of all that came before, during or after!
Think of how this trope just strips all agency from the hero: every idle nose picking session, every diarhettic squirt they had as a child- all of it was foretold in eons past by some know-it-all who foresaw the conflict you’re reading about. If everything is preordained and your character is dubbed “they who shall conquer regardless” where, exactly, is the conflict of your story?
Six feet under that’s where (and likely rolling in its grave).
Look, we all had fun with the HE IS THE CHOSEN ONE memes at one time or another but it’s time to move on. Story without conflict is lazy writing and this trope by definition doesn’t allow for conflict (search your feelings you know it to be true).
I’ve seen some people try to inject some life into this formula with varying success. “Oh ho ho!” they might say. “There is a prophecy but it only foretells that someone will rise to fight the dark lord but not that they will win!” Jokes on you, figment of my imagination, because by declaring your protagonist as being the one selected by the prophecy you’ve completely remove any choice they had in the matter! This is often coupled with the “reluctant hero” trope but far from making it better you’re just making it worse! When you force a pacifist to fight via prophecy you are quite literally telling your MC and your reader “yeah I know this doesn’t make sense but I need it to happen for the story to continue because DRAMA.”
Honesty may be the best policy but it sure ain’t always entertaining I’ll tell you that for free.
Let your characters be people and make their own choices. That way readers will actually be invested in what they do. If not….well….Obi Wan wants to have some words with you.
You were meant to destroy the tropes not join them!
So there you have it, folks: Four pitfalls to avoid in your reading. Four heroes that try them. Four tropes to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. In the land of (please God) No More where the sad prose lies