I Don’t Have A Problem YOU Have A Problem

The Snozzberries Taste Like Snozzberries

Writing under the influence….what is this trend, dear reader? Why did this start? Who thought this was a good idea? I’ve seen some people swear by this strategy and simply cannot fathom why anyone would even want to do it in the first place.

I don’t know how actually prevalent this is, or if some people online are just trying to be edgy to impress their fellow auteurs (or if I just went way off into the tall grass on Goodreads) but even if some of these people were serious then good golly miss molly do we have a problem here.

I understand having a glass or two of wine (or a pot or two of coffee) while writing but moderation seems to be the last goal of this fad. Instead, people are out there taking caffeine pills and shotgunning beers to get inebriated to….what? Be more creative? Lower inhibitions about their own writing?

I’ve heard of liquid courage but this is absurd.

Sam, Please. I’m Trying To Make A Point

If you can’t legally be trusted with operating a vehicle or heavy machinery after ingesting copious amounts of something, why, then, would you think it was a good idea to do so before setting out to roadmap your magnum opus?

Too much caffeine makes you jittery and makes your mind jump around like a fart on a skillet. Too much alcohol and your brain becomes slothful. Hell, too much of any stimulant is going to make it damn near impossible for you to focus and you should be focusing while writing. And, if you’re writing as much as you should if you ever want to turn that work in progress into something tangible then giving yourself the artificial handicap of relying on a stimulant is a surefire way to develop a substance dependency and that ain’t no joke.

I’m no stranger to having coffee during the day or a glass or two of the good stuff in the evening but I wouldn’t ever dream of saying I need to get drunk in order to write. You’re not a writer at that point. You’re just drunk. What’s more, if you get drunk on as regular a basis as you should be writing you’re not an author, you’re an alcoholic.

Sigh. I Miss Alan Rickman.

But, why, dear reader? Why limit yourself to needing a special fix? Why risk your health for short term gains? The only thing I can think of is that some people like to believe they have something secret, something special, like a switch they can flip and immediately be successful. Maybe they want something to blame when their writing sucks, like their magic potion had hit its expiration date and they hadn’t had an opportunity to get a fresh bottle from the apothecary down the way (see “liquor store”).

That’s lame.

No, worse: that’s stupid.

Maybe this is the hip, new thing and anyone who doesn’t get it is just an old fuddy duddy but if that’s the case allow me to just say: Get off my lawn.    

It Felt Wrong Writing That And Yet So Right